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  ब्यथा बोकेको कथा, म र यो शहरको
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Posted on 11-12-12 2:33 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hello everyone, This is my first post on Sanjha. I never had guts enough to post anything here since I was always mortified with my own writing because of the sheer talent  we have on Sanjha and because of some great writers that I am fan of. But for the hell of it, being a silent lurker for years, I finally decided to post something I wrote inside the train while going to work. It basically is a story that I have seen or been part of living in NY. I am really hoping for some suggestion. I am a huge critic myself and I am a fan too. 




ब्यथा बोकेको कथा, म र यो शहरको

मुसे दुलोबाट िनस्कन्छ यहाँ
दुर्गन्ध अनि मािनस,
संगसंगै अंगालाेमारेर
िभत्र राेईरहन्छ रेल
युद्दमा जवान पति गुमाएकी नारीजस्तो
अनि मानिस त्यही दुर्गन्धमा िलप्त
खोक्रा अाशाहरुकाे माला लाएकाे
झुटा सपनाहरु पछ्याउँछ
बाहिर उज्यालो िभत्र अंधेरो शहर
ठिक यहाँका बेकम्फुसे मानिसजस्तो |

रातमा नशाले मातिन्छ
महिला पुरुष बिच मात्र किन
पुरुष पुरुष िबच
महिला महिला िबच
मंाशाहारी उन्मुक्त प्रेम साटासाट हुन्छ
एकैछिनमा िमलाप
एकैछिनमा बिछोड
२१ सताब्दिको मुना मदनको प्रेम
कहिले बाटोमै सिदिन्छ
कहिले कोठासम्म पुग्दछ
सुरुवात अनी अन्त्य हुँदैन यहाँ
फेरिही रहन्छ, पल्टि रहन्छ
दिनहु, भित्ते पात्रे जस्तो |

बिउझन्न यहाँ मानिस
आखीं झ्यालबाट छिरेको सुनौलो सुर्यको किरणले
उठदछ मरेको मानिसझै
सैयांबाट
टयार -टयार कराउने
टेबल घडीको आवाजले
अनी पछुताउछ
जवान पतिको एउटै चिनो-गर्व
तुहिएको तिनै बिधवा नारी जस्तो |

अनी, नसामा कफिको दम दिन्छ
ग्रहण लागेको अनुहार बोकी
छिर्दछ तेही मुसे दुलो भित्र
तिनै खोक्रा सपना पछ्याउन
अनी निस्कन्छ अर्को दुलोबाट
दुर्गधित त्यो मानिस
अनी, अनवरत: ति पाहिला चली रहन्छन
घडीको सिन्के सुइ जस्तो
र म, हिमालमा ढन्दी-बियो र गुछां खेलेर हुर्केको,
फुच्छे नेपाली
निरन्तर: मेरो सानो,
नक्सामै हराएको,
मातृभूमी नेपाल खोजिरहन्छु |
-Aswin Bhusal


 
Posted on 11-12-12 2:53 AM     [Snapshot: 10]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thats so deep.
Don't ever understimate yourself.


 
Posted on 11-12-12 8:58 AM     [Snapshot: 66]     Reply [Subscribe]
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dami chha !!! keep it up
 
Posted on 11-12-12 9:20 AM     [Snapshot: 73]     Reply [Subscribe]
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आश्विन-जी , तपाई को पहिलो प्रस्तुति नै सारै मन छुने लग्यो साएद मन बाट निस्किएको सच्चा भाव भएर होलान .... लेख्दै जानुस..... अझै धेरै लेख्दै जानुस...... नडराउनुस न हाम्ले तपाइलाई खान्नम क्यारे ...... please keep writing.....
Last edited: 12-Nov-12 10:06 AM

 
Posted on 11-12-12 9:42 AM     [Snapshot: 89]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 भाव राम्रो, प्रस्तुती खजमजिएको , प्रतिक बृहत अर्थ बोकेको  र  धेरै थोक एकै थोकमा ठोक्न खोजेको देखिन्छ. 

अझ सरल र सरस प्रस्तुति को आशा गर्दै  यो भन्दा नि अब्बल सिर्जनाहरु पढ्न पाउने नै छ भन्ने बिश्वास सहित शुभकामना . 

 
Posted on 11-12-12 9:48 AM     [Snapshot: 93]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 सारै राम्रो लग्यो भुसाल जी, सरल प्रस्तुति तर एकदम गहिरो. 
 
२१ सताब्दिको मुना मदनको प्रेम
कहिले बाटोमै सिदिन्छ
कहिले कोठासम्म पुग्दछ
सुरुवात अनी अन्त्य हुँदैन यहाँ
फेरिही रहन्छ, पल्टि रहन्छ
दिनहु, भित्ते पात्रे जस्तो |
 
वाह!

हजूर बाट अरु थुप्रै सिर्जना को आश गर्दछु !
 

 
Posted on 11-13-12 10:52 AM     [Snapshot: 228]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"...Thahachaena- Hajur paschim tira baata ho ki kaso? Last week I read "Seto Dharati" by Amar Neupaane, it sets on Kaski and the accent somewhere similar to "नडराउनुस न हाम्ले तपाइलाई खान्नम क्यारे" I been talking or writing on that accent for past two weeks.Hahaha ".....
म पश्चिमको हैन भुसालजी ....... सेतो धर्ति एकदम राम्रो छ भन्ने सुनेको छु हेरम केरे यहाँ किताब पाइन्छ  कि नाइँ  ..... पाइयो भने त पढम्ला केरे नत्र तेस्तै हो .... अब अन्त हो मेरो नेपाली त तेस्तै हो सोल्टी ... कहिले पूर्व कैले पश्चिम ..... क्यार्नु र मरीकन लानु के नै पो छन् र हैन .... तपाई लेख्दै गरिकन अगाडी बढ्नु हामी पछाडीबाट उक्सौन्या , धकाल्न्या छौ  . 

 
Posted on 11-13-12 10:04 PM     [Snapshot: 316]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Sahi Chha saathi. Keep writing and posting.


 


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